Why Women Second Guess Themselves Even When They’re Brilliant

Why Women Second Guess Themselves Even When They’re Brilliant

Why do so many capable women still question themselves… even when they’re great at what they do?

In this episode, Sharon unpacks something subtle but powerful: the way conditioning, culture, and long-held expectations shape how women show up in business.

From meetings where a woman’s idea lands lightly until someone else repeats it, to the deeper patterns that teach women to be helpful instead of powerful, this conversation explores why second-guessing doesn’t come from lack of skill — it comes from what we’ve learned to believe about our place, our voice, and our value.

This is not about blame.

It’s about noticing what has quietly been shaping us, so we can stop carrying it unconsciously.

In this episode we cover:
• Why women second guess themselves even when they know what they’re doing
• The subtle moments that make women shrink, soften, or hold back
• How repeated cultural patterns stop feeling like choices and start feeling “normal”
• Why conditioning often teaches women to be helpful, not powerful
• The difference between being liked and being respected
• How undercharging, overdelivering, and staying invisible are often connected
• Why this isn’t about capability — it’s about what has been reinforced over time
• The cost of holding back in meetings, conversations, and leadership
• Why noticing these patterns is the first step to changing them

Key insights:
• Second-guessing is often learned, not earned.
• What gets repeated enough starts to feel true, even when it isn’t.
• Many women have been conditioned to be reliable, but not visible.
• Undercharging and overdelivering are often signs of deeper self-doubt, not lack of skill.
• Once you see the pattern, you can stop living inside it.

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https://www.sharonfrancisco.com/podcast

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 Questions for the podcast? hello@sharonfrancisco.com

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Have a question for the podcast? Email hello@sharonfrancisco.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, and welcome to the Sharon Francisco Show. Why we second guess ourselves, even when we know we're great at what we do and we still second guess ourselves. So you might have experienced this yourself or you've seen it happen in other people. A woman in a meeting, she shares an idea. It's a good idea, it's a great idea. And it kind of lands for just a little bit lightly, no big reaction. Then a few minutes later, somebody says almost exactly the same thing. And suddenly everyone's nodding. That's a great idea. We should do that. And there's this moment where you think, hang on a minute, I just said that. Now, I'm not saying this to make anyone or anything wrong or point fingers at anyone. It's just something I've noticed over the years of both working in corporate and owning my own business. And when you start noticing it, you start seeing it in other places as well. Now, this is not again about blaming anyone. Most of the time, no one even realizes this is happening. But in moments like that, they add up those moments because over time you start to question yourself and you start to hold back a little bit when you start seeing this happen. You soften how you say things and you wait to be more sure about what you contribute. I'm going to share something with you because this is a kind of thinking that doesn't start in boardrooms or in meetings with, you know, people when you're in business and such. In many country communities, traditions run really deep. There's a way things are done. And most of the time, no one questions the way things are done. It's not written down anywhere, it's not debated, it's just understood, and everyone follows the rules. So on the land, one of those traditions is really simple and has been very kept simple along the way. The first son in a family is offered the property. That's it. No discussion, no negotiation, just expectation that's carried through generations. And for a long, long time, it made sense in that environment. It kept things stable, predictable, and orderly. But what's interesting is this when something is repeated often enough, when it's all you see around you, it stops feeling like a choice. It just starts feeling like this is just the way we do things around here. And that's the power of tradition. Not because it's right or wrong, but because it just goes unquestioned ever. And this is what I see now. That thinking doesn't just stay there, it follows us. Because what I see in business every single week is women who are incredible at what they do, working hard, caring deeply about their clients, and yet quite often they undercharge, they overdeliver, they second guess themselves, and they hold themselves back from being seen. And it's not because they're not capable at all or that they don't know enough or that they're not ready. It's because somewhere along the line, in their previously on their journey, they've been conditioned to be helpful, not powerful, conditioned to be liked, not respected, to be reliable and not visible. I can't do this. This is not a good podcast. Don't do this one, Chaz.